Brainfart

Today I couldn't remember how to do the whole chicken dance to save my
life. Sad. The end.

Sunny Side Up

want to blog more often...
must remember to do so...
get more inspiration...

I am pretty sure that I am have mentioned before that I have really bad sleeping problems. Insomnia. Lately I started taking Ambien CR and its been working for me! I don't really feel better health wise, but it hasn't been that long since I started taking it and getting some real sleep. I am looking forward to feeling better all the time! I put off getting sleep aid for a really long time. I guess mostly because people say you get addicted to them. But then I thought about it more rationally.
There are much worse things then sleep to be addicted to. And there have been studies of people taking them every night for a long time. So I jumped in (to my bed that is) with both feet. And I am glad that I did! I am going to be picking up my one month prescription today from the hospital pharmacy. Before I had just tried a trial size. One major health issue that I would love to go away is my heart pain. Especially today. Right now it's hurting as bad as it was when I last went to the ER :( So I'm in bed laying propped up for now. I took some ibuprofen and hopefully the pain will subside soon. Until then, here are some random facts about me and night time.

*Every night right before getting in bed I flip over my pillow. Every night.
*I cannot sleep with socks on, even when it's cold.
*I wake up in the middle of the night to pee and drink more water.
*When I lay sideways I sometimes have a hard time breathing.
*I don't like sleeping with the door open.
*I cannot sleep with a night light on.
*I do not like quiet noise of any kind when I'm trying to sleep.
*If I am really tired I cannot sleep in loose clothes. Because they twist in the bed and it REALLY gets on my nerves!
*I like to go to bed in between 8:30-10:00pm every night
*I have a much harder time getting sleep when Jake and I go to bed at different times.
*I don't sleep at the top of the bed. I get into bed, and pull my pillow down about6-8 inches and sleep down there. Because Jake is so much taller then I am if I sleep at his head level the blanket doesn't come all the way up to my chin!
*I wake up every morning in between 2:45-5:00am, but I don't get out of bed until 7:00-10:00am!
*I never ever sleep with a sweater on, unless I am sick in which case I always do.


well I cannot think of anymore silly facts about myself and night time :P Have a good day! Do you have any silly night time rituals?

a piece of peace

So I couldn't just go to bed after posting such a downer, right?! I thought I would share with you what I did today other then being horribly hung over! I went to school starting at 9am. I went to a Statistics class and tried to add it. I am not sure if I am going to get in or not. But I really hope so. I had to leave early because I was still throwing up like once an hour, and was just in general really sick. So I hope that the teacher doesn't look too badly on me leaving early. But I guess she could decide to not add me because it was kind of rude to leave early on the first day and when I was trying to add the class. Fingers crossed! After that I came straight home and took a nap until my next class at 12:30pm. I drove through Wendy's and got some fries on the way. Thankfully I was able to eat half of the small fries and keep them down. But I still felt like crap. Class was ok. Then when I got home it was so nice outside that I decided to walk down to our local Peet's. It's about 2 miles. But I didn't want to nap anymore, for fear of not sleeping tonight. I have some serious insomnia issues. And it was really nice out. So I grabbed my headphones and headed out with my music playing. I got to Peet's and got my favorite special beverage. And then as I was approaching our block I decided that I still wanted to walk! So I turned around and went all the way back down to Peet's and back. It was such a perfect way to spend my afternoon. The weather was gorgeous. I was wearing comfy clothes and sunglasses. And I was listening to some good music. By the time I got back home I was feeling so much better! But let me tell you, I came across some weird things on the side of the road during my walk! For example, within one block I walked past a condom (gross), a NoDoz energy drink bottle, a hotel after shave bottle, a pair of mens boots, a letter, a prescription bottle, and lots of other random things that I promised myself I would remember but I don't! It was kind of comical. After I returned home I cleaned up my room, and made dinner. Tonight we had spaghetti. Simple but delicious. Oh and here is another random fact about me, I drink about 6 cups of water a day. 6 cups of this size!

It's HUGE. I drink a lot of water...

tough to be tender

ok well as a forewarning this is not going to be a peppy post. Today I woke up feeling absolute CRAP. The reason being? I was really hung over. Sad, but true. I had a pounding headache, I had a cold sweat, I was throwing up a lot. And I couldn't even keep down water. It was all over the place bad. And today was a school day for me. So I had to get up and get going. I even threw up while driving on my way to school (in a bag in my car trashcan thing). I am so embarrassed. I was so mad at myself for letting this all happen that I started crying. Now you might not think it's such a bad thing to drink too much one night and feel it the next day, but for me it was huge. (this will tie in in a sec) I have never (as far as I can remember anyways) ever made New Years Resolutions. I just thought they were stupid. I mean if you want to change something, why wait until the new year to make it a goal? But this year I was faced with an ugly beast and I am going to overcome it. So this year I made 1 new years resolution. And last night I broke it for the first time all year. Pathetic. I didn't even make it one month! Ughh... My new year resolution is to not get drunk anymore. I have a drinking problem. I don't think I am an alcoholic, but I do have an issue. When I drink I just don't have portion control. And so I am always drinking too much and paying for it later. I have known and still know a lot of alcoholics. I don't want that for me. I don't want it for my friends and family. I am the only one who can change this for myself. So I made the resolution to not get drunk. But not only that, I made myself some drinking rules. And then I made myself a "reminder" bracelet. Here is a photo of the bracelet...

It starts at the wine glass and then goes to the tan beads. Here is what it stands for 2 tan beads - 2 shots of hard liquor, 2 pink beads - 2 glasses of wine, 2 cream beads - 2 glasses of champagne, 7 green beads with one darker - trying to only drink once a week, 3 grey beads 6 pink beads and then 5 black beads - 365 days, and then just a white bead - for a new beginning. I started off the year wearing this bracelet everyday. But lately I haven't worn it at all. I am going to start wearing it again so that I can have that visual reminder that I need to stick to my goals. Posting this is hard for me, I don't want people to know something so personal for me. It goes deeper then I have let on. But that's too personal for me to talk about now. I guess I am posting this because I need to feel supported. I guess I feel that if more people know, I will be less likely to fail. I will be encouraged to keep on track because I won't want to tell my family and friends that I messed up again. Now just for the record, I have never ever hurt anyone or anything like that from being drunk. But that doesn't mean that its not bad for me to get that way. So with all that said and out, I think I will get going to bed now. I hope all my readers are well, and if you have made new years resolutions I hope they are going well for you! I'm going to work harder to keep with this :) Take Care,
~Nessa

rehtard

ok so I cannot believe that it's been THAT long since I last posted something! I guess I have been "kind of" posting some "blog posts" on my fb account. But I suppose that doesn't really count... Anyways, whats on my mind today?? Ankle boots! I recently bought a pair of grey ankle boots and CANNOT stop wearing them!! They are so comfy and they keep my feet surprisingly warm! Anyways, I came upon some REALLY UGLY ankle boots whilst browsing for some more ankle boots. And of course I would like to share those photos with you today. So without further adieu, here they are...




I'm sorry if anyone likes any of these boots... I think they are gross.
good day!

tick tock

Today feels like a thinking day! I am enjoying waking up to the sunshine instead of the darkness :)And I was able to celebrate two of my most loved peoples birthdays in the past two days!

Monday Blues

that's how I feel today. I will give you a little background as to why I feel that way... On Tuesday morning around 7:30am Jake and I were eating breakfast and I felt a little pain in my chest area. I figured I had eaten something with some corn in it and just thought nothing more of it. But then in my first class at school the pain got slightly worse and I could tell that it was not from an allergic reaction. I could feel the pain in my chest through to my back, at least that's what it felt like. By the end of my last class at 11am I was in enough pain to skip going to the Math Lab and just head home. By the time that Jake came home I was in more pain, I thought maybe I pulled a muscle or something. So I asked Jake to massage my back to see if that would help. But as soon as he started to massage my back it was clear that it was not my back muscles hurting, because him massaging didn't feel like anything. Well I mean I felt it, but it was not sore, so the massage was pointless for the pain. I still just shrugged it for the time being and we watched t.v. until about 9:45pm and decided to go to bed. When I laid down in bed at first everything was fine, but then I got a wave of a small sharp pain, then it went away, and within a few seconds another wave, but a sharper pain, and then another and then another. It got to the point that I felt like it was taking my breath away from being so sharp so I got up out of bed quickly. I was crying and when I could, I called Jake into the room and told him what happened. I tried laying down in bed again and the same thing happened. So Jake and I talked about taking me into the ER, by this point it was about 10:15pm. We decided to have me try to lay down in bed once more and see if I try to just breathe slowly and be calm if the pain would go away. I also tried to really concentrate on the pain, what it felt like, where it felt like it was, and how strong it was. It didn't go away so I did get back up and I told Jake "I think it's my heart" so we went to the ER. At the ER they told me that they wanted to do an EKG and that I would have to lay down for it. I told the nurse that when I lay down it hurts really really badly and I didn't know if I could lay down long enough for the test. But I was able to. After that they gave me some vicodin and put me in a bed in a room to wait for the doctor to review my EKG results. After a while, checking my vitals, and talking to me about the pain and asking me questions. He said that he thought that it was Pericarditis, an inflammation of the Pericardium (the sac around the heart). He told me to take ibuprofen and to make an appointment to come back in within 2 weeks to check up on it. It is now almost a week later and it is still hurting. The ibuprofen does take away a lot of the pain, but ibuprofen (as well as most every pill) has corn in it, which I am allergic to. So I get sick from the ibuprofen :( Blech. I am thinking about taking a day or two off of the ibuprofen to see how the pericarditis is feeling and to give my body a change to get rid of some of this corn build up. I am really tired from all of this too because I am not sleeping well. Probably because of the pericarditis and the allergic reactions put together. It would be pleasant to be better for my birthday, but I am not holding my breath. I am no as sad or bitter about it as I sound right now. I'm just having one of those days. And I have been alone all day, and no one is answering their phones... I think this is about the time that I realize the best thing for me to do is to call it a day and hit the hay! Goodnight all :) God Bless