busy heart

so I know I don't get on here all that often, I guess one reason is because I don't like feeling like something that I am doing doesn't matter. And sometimes I feel like that with this blog. I used to love journaling and would write in my journal at least once a day. And then this whole 'blogging' thing buzzed in my ear and I thought that it would help me get back into journaling. But the thing is, I don't like one sided conversations, and I feel like blogging is a lot like that. When I was journaling, it was for me, and there were no expectations. But with blogging I am putting things on the web that some people read, and there is a slight expectation that people will tell you what they think about what you wrote. I'd rather write letters to friends and get a letter in reply. But lately I have been sad about not getting any letters back. I have been busy as well, and I lose addresses that people give me the second they give them to me (yes Matthew, right after you gave me your address on fb chat a few weeks ago, I closed the window before writing down your address AGAIN). So there are friends that I have not written to in a long time. But there are also reasons for that. I wanted to write to this old really good friend of mine. But he recently got a gf and I thought about it and decided that it COULD be something that would get under her skin. So I decided not to write to him. Even though I have talked to her and I think that she knows that he and I have been only friends (never even a crush) for a long time and that we are like siblings. If one of Jake's old girlfriends started writing to him all the time, I have to admit that it would be hard for me to swallow, even if I knew there was nothing going on. It just seems like something that one shouldn't meddle with. I recently had an old friend tell me that he was in love with me, and this is one reason that I try and be careful about friendships with people who are of the opposite sex. That was bad news and we are no longer friends sadly.
I've been having a lot of bad/weird dreams lately. When this happens I just wish I wouldn't dream at all. Dreams have a way to distract me when I am even awake. I don't like how they seem to have a way to weigh on my heart. I know only God can help me, so I have been trying to turn to him. I am not as diligent as I should be all the time, and that has also been bothering me lately too. I am trying, and so is Jake I think. There is a little more then three months until our three year anniversary! I cannot believe it. I thought for sure I would be pregnant by now! Not that we have been trying all those three years or anything. Its just that when we got married I figured we would have our first child by the time that we had been married for two years. I figured pretty much as soon as he was getting close to being done with school or right after. How time can change your mind. Now it seems like it might be YEARS before we want to have a child. It's all so complicated! I want to be a mom, but I don't think I am ready to be a mom. I know if I got pregnant that God would be there with us through it all. But I don't want to get pregnant right now, or do I? This is what happens when I think about it... I get confused! Hehe... The thing is, we are in debt because of Jake going to school and we are paying over $1,000 a month in just that one area. So we would both like to get that all paid off before we have a child so that we have more (enough) money to buy all the things you need for raising a child comfortably. Also, I have always wanted to go to school, and I am finally enrolled to do so. So having a child right now would make me want to drop out and just be a mom. But school is around 4yrs. And we might be paying off our debt for that long as well. And I am not sure about waiting that long to have our first child. I want to be young, and be there and so on. We will see I guess, its in God's hands and we trust him more then ourselves! Because while I sit here confused and such, he knows the hour I will become a mom, if it is to come at all :) My Popi called me yesterday and wanted to make sure that I am happy with Jake. I thought it was really sweet. I am happy, I am more then happy, I am blessed. Well I seem to be a chatterbox :) And yet I feel like I have not really touched on any of the things that I sat down to write! Oh well, I must get to work now. God bless and take care any friends who read this :) I hope you remember to spend time with God today, it will be good, He promises :)

Friday Morning

mmm mmm mmm so this morning Jake took me to Jack In The Box and we had breakfast together. He has been kind of spoiling me because I have been sick for a week! I am pretty sure that my adenoids and tonsils are infected. And this has caused me to get really sick. On Sat night I noticed that my throat felt really sore and it was kind of hard to swallow. Then on Sun it just got worse and I also got a fever and a headache. And it was one of those kind of fevers where you feel like you are burning up and you are shivering at the same time. I was so miserable that day. And of course that was the day that we went to Antioch to visit with everyone and to celebrate two of my brother in laws birthdays. The whole time I was upstairs sleeping, or trying to! Then over the week I got stuffed up with that lovely green thick mucus, which I still have. And I started losing hearing in my left ear and I could tell that there was water in my ear. I could feel it at one point when I would move my head I could feel the water move too! And let me tell you, ear infections hurt! Plus it totally messes with you. I had a hard time telling where noises were coming from! I would be frying something in the kitchen and I swear it would sound to me like someone left the water running in the bathroom down the hall! Crazy. Plus on Wednesday night we had our bible study, and we always sing at those. I couldn't tell if I was singing on key or not, or how loud I was singing! But yesterday it felt like my ear was getting better. Good timing too because I was just about to make a doctor appointment. But then my sinuses felt worse then the other days! Lame. So this morning I am feeling better all around and I am hoping to be completely better really soon! I still have a lot of green mucus in my nose and chest. But my ears are not worse, and I slept better. So... this morning I said "I think I am getting better, but I don't want to jinks myself!" So then I knocked on our wood table ;P Well, I have a lot I could tell you about, but I am tired now! So I am going to go veg out for an hour or two and then take a nap :)

good morning bright sunshine!

So this morning our alarm went off at 7am like normal, but it was still not sunny out!! That just makes it harder to get out of bed! But I am really good about getting up as soon as the alarm goes off, so I went to get up.. but Jake stopped me. He said that he wanted to sleep until 7:30am. And he is the only reason that we get up early anyways, so I got back into bed until 7:30am! And it was nice because the sun was shining by then! The weather outside in my little town this morning was PERFECT, my FAVORITE kind :) I was so happy I wanted to wear a skirt and some pretty shoes. But I had to get dressed quickly so that Jake could take me out for some coffee this morning. So I just wore my good old jeans and jacket. Normally Jake is always warmer then I am. But this morning I felt just perfect and he was saying that he was really cold. Silly boy, it was just right outside ;) When we got out of our car at Peet's we could smell car brakes, you're not supposed to be able to smell them! And it was kind of strong, so we were worried. But we went to go get our coffee and I noticed that I was still smelling it more then a block down the street from our car. So I told Jake that I didn't think it was our car, but he couldn't smell it where we were. So we figured we would just check out our car when we got back to it. Ahhhh and when we walked out of the coffee shop the sun was shining right inbetween the buildings in front of us and it was so so so nice. I wish that Jake and I could've taken a walk on the beach together this morning :) Anyways, we got back to our car and the smell wasn't coming from us. So that was a relief! Well, today I am planning on making a few cards and writing to some family and friends. My knee is feeling better (did I mention that I twisted it?) and so is my left leg. But I am still not going to go running this week *tears!!!*. And Jake doesn't want me to even take any walks until at least Thursday. I feel so locked in. I guess I would do really badly if I ever broke any bones in my legs! But because I didn't run last week and then this week too I have to be REALLY careful to be under my calories each day, or I am going to gain all my weight back! Bummer. Ok well I am going to get to my cards now!

the lazy one

ok so I have been SO LAZY about my blogs. I have really not been feeling like blogging lately. I have kind of been feeling the same way about writing letters and scrapbooking. Bummer. However I have a lot to add on my craft blog! Because that's pretty much the thing I do the most now days. I have been trying to find a job, but no luck! It truly sucks trying to find a job right now. But thankfully Jake's job is enough to cover all of our bills. It just means that we can't buy extra things, and we can't pay off our credit cards or student loans any faster. So I am still looking looking looking for a job. It takes me hours sometimes to apply to only a few jobs online! So many employers are starting to only accept applications from candidates that have a bachelors degree! LAME. Ummm what else, we are not trying to have any kids yet. We were thinking about it for a while a while back. But recently I have been wanting to NOT get pregnant. Weird I know. But I just all the sudden really felt like I was not ready to be a mom yet! I had a doctors appointment a while ago because I was late twice and both times the period was really painful and weird. But tests came back normal, so the doctor said to just try and stress less. I also had to go to the doctor for more impetigo, but this time it was right above my lip. When it finally went away (after two weeks of taking antibiotics 4x a day!) it left a pink scar. GRRRRR. That really frustrates me, but what can you do? Oh well. Ummm so the final consensus is that I can eat cheese, but not other dairy product! So weird, but GOOD. Because cheese is my favorite. It's just not good in the sense that it has so many calories in it and I am trying to get in shape! Jake and I have been going hiking every Sat for almost 2 months now! Go us! And we are counting our calories. At one point in my life, ok ok ok at more then one point in my life, I vowed that I would never be a "calorie counter", but here I am, counting calories. It sucks, but it is good for me. I will learn to eat healthier and I will get in shape. I have been also either going for at least a 2mile walk everyday or a 1mile walk + a 1mile run. That's been going great. The first week I ran I only did it one time (in great time!) but was so sore that I didn't go again that whole week. So the next week I decided to go as much as possible so that my body could get used to it fast. I went 3 or 4 times and I was WAY less sore. But when we went on our hike on Sat my legs got tired faster then normal. Then on the hike this Sat I twisted my knee! And now I can't go running today. And I really really want to! Its been making me feel so anxious. I always go running by the beach and today as I was driving past it, and feeling the nice nice sunshine I was so sad that I couldn't go out for a jog. *tear*. Anyways, more news! We adopted a cat! He was an abandoned cat, fully grown. He is white with tanish-yellow golden eyes. We named him Alfred, but we call him Freddo, you know, "I know it was you Freddo..... and it breaks my heart!". LOL, Jake says that to everyone :) He is a really great cat. When I set up his litter box he went right to it, and has never gone anywhere except in it (even though I accidentally bought one that is too small!). And even just the first day of having him he followed me around from room to room and was jealous of my attention. I would sit down at the computer to write an email and he would jump up onto the desk and try to get me to pet him. So needless to say he has loved us from day one :) And we love him. Here is a photo of him and Jake laying in bed reading the very first night we had him!

So cute! He loves to sleep in the room with us, and when we are just laying down at night or waking up in the morning he always comes and crawls onto our chests, waiting to get scratched ;P Here is a photo of him on my chest one morning...

You can't see me in the photo because I am taking it, but I still think its a cute photo :) Anyways, speaking of photos, I need to go to the store to pick up the photos I had developed this morning! So I will try to be better about blogging!

(not) Allergy Season

So I went to see my new doctor. I was kind of nervous because I have never met with her before. But she is really great. I am so happy that she was picked as my default because when I went through the doctors to try and see if I wanted to pick anyone else none seemed better or worse then her, so I stayed with her. And then I made my appt. I am so glad I didn't switch it around. Anyways, then I went and saw my new allergist, who I really like as well :) And I found out some things about my allergies :) I now carry an Epi-pen in my purse at all times, and I can eat cheese!!! Wahoo. I am taking allergy meds now and am using a nasal spray. It seems like I am getting better since I started on my new meds, but I am still getting really bad headaches still. Today today today... I made some cute Christmas goodies (check out my craft blog for photos!) and I made myself a yummy gourmet lunch! Its potatoes and Chicken with a garlic and mushroom butter :) Delicious!



ttyl!

tired and such

Well hello to whoever still reads this blog. I have really really really been wanting to talk to someone lately. And it seems that I cannot find the words to say, or I say too much, or whoever I get a hold of can't talk long. So I thought I would update my blog. I have been really tired lately from lack of sleeping. And I have been sick a lot lately. So the two of these combined usually doesn't make me want to blog for some reason. I am actually sick right now, a headcold. I saw my new doctor for the first time today, but not for the headcold. I saw her for a normal checkup and to pretty much just meet her. I also explained to her all the health problems I am having lately with not being able to have milk, soy milk, or rice milk. And the issues that I have if I do have any of those. So she referred me to their Allergy Specialist whom I am going to see tomorrow at 3pm! I get to have lots and lots of needles stuck into my lower and upper arms for up to a couple of hours, I am so so excited! But seriously I am excited to finally have the test done and taken care of. Now I can know for sure what I am allergic to. And maybe I can start feeling relatively normal :) That would be mighty nice. All of my Christmas cards are finished and in their envelopes with a photo of Jake and I in each one! All that's left is to personalize each one with who it is going to and address the envelopes. I'm so happy to have those finished and ready for me. I have also finished my best friends Christmas gift, and my cousin's Christmas gift. Next is my mom's... But I haven't even started that one yet. I need to wait until I get paid again so that I can finish buying things for it. Yesterday I completely cleaned our room. Every nook and cranny. It looks the nicest it has looked since we moved in! I have to say I am pretty proud of myself for doing it. Now if only I could get my phone to stop having issues with me! I think its going to crash here pretty soon. And I am NOT looking forward to that. I mean, it will be nice to have a new phone. But this one isn't even that old, just over a year. So I will most likely get the newer version iPhone which will be nice, it is cheaper to purchase, but the monthly plan in more expensive :( So I don't know... I haven't been doing TOO much scrapbooking lately because of the Christmas things, and because of being sick. But I did make two pages for my 8x8 album, that was fun :) Not much else is going on. We had a really great Harvest Dinner at our church. I helped prepare for that. I was at the church getting things ready for four days before hand. But it turned out looking (and tasting) so so great! Want to see some photos of the whole thing? OK! heehee...

the little white pumpkins I carved and put little candles in


the 6 ft tree I drew, colored, and decorated


flower #1


flower #2


flower #3


the "red" table


the "yellow" table


the "praise the Lord" banner I made (those leaves on the end were later taped back up...)


one of the larger orange pumpkin candle holder things with the flowers in it


one of the larger white pumpkin candle holder things with the flowers in it and lit


the dessert table! (sorry its a little blurry)


and lastly a photo of me ready to go to the dinner


So I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving season!

I've got bones in my body

you've got eyes in your head" by The 88. Its from a free song on iTunes this week. Interesting... I have to admit that I haven't listen to the whole song yet. So we'll see how I really feel about it. I have been having some issues lately. It seems that I cannot have rice milk anymore as well. I have had some really bad problems with it the last two times I had it, so I am kind of avoiding it until I see a doctor. I want to see an allergist and find out all the things I am really allergic to. And find out why I am having so many problems with other things. So hopefully I will get to one soon. Jake and I are still not in our own place. But its not that bad. The family we are staying with is actually on vacation for the week so I have set up my computer in their nice and sunny kitchen. Its much less gloomy here. My room gets kind of dark unless I open the really heavy curtains and I don't want to brake them so I am just going to use the kitchen while they are gone. I have been working on making my best friends (hey Heaven!) christmas gift this past week. I am pretty excited for Christmas. My next task is to probably get my moms gift or something. I am still making the cards, but I am almost done. I have bought some treats to give away at Christmas time so I need to make little cards or holders for those as well. Its a good thing I like keeping myself busy because theres not really much else for me to do right now other than the little crafts I think of. I have not scrapbooked at all lately. I have photos and I have lots of new products, but I just haven't done anything about it, lol. Maybe tomorrow I will bring some things out here to the sunnier parts of the house and feel more like making something cute. I get so tired and bored in the room sometimes all alone. So I could come out to the kitchen where it is more open and bright and put on some music and feel more inspired. Plus its a new area for me, so maybe I won't get stuck in a rut. We'll see. For now I am listening to my iTunes and blogging :P Today I am supposed to see one of my good friends Bethanne. Its her birthday and she is coming to San Francisco for it. So she said she will visit me a little bit. I haven't heard from her yet today, so I am pretty much just waiting around. I just got done watching last weeks episode of ANTM and WHOA when Tyra announced the last girl the way that she worded it I thought it was the other girl going home until I saw the photo she was holding. I really wanted Elina to stay anyways, so that made me happy. This year is not very captivating to me. But I still really like looking at the photos. Thats my favorite part. I LOVE PHOTOS. Ohhhh I just starting listen to another free song I got from iTunes this week. I really like this song called Be Ok by Ingrid Michaelson. Its got a cute beat to it. Plus I love her song The Way I Am. I just might check out some more music from her in a few minutes :) Well, to be honest, there is not much that I want to say... I am pretty much doing the same things as before. I walk to the library, rent a good book, read the book and either love it or not. I want to Starbucks. I visit a 92 year old lady from my church three times a week. I craft, and drink tea. I have bought two new pairs of jeans since I last blogged. And I bought a pink hoodie. I trimmed my nails short again. Which inspires me to blog and write messages to friends because I am freshly reminded of how nice it feels to type with short nails. I go on walks to get some sun and fresh air. Sometimes I got on a hike, get a movie, buy some chinese or japanese food, watch tv. Just the norm, you know?

~Vanessa