tick tock

Today feels like a thinking day! I am enjoying waking up to the sunshine instead of the darkness :)And I was able to celebrate two of my most loved peoples birthdays in the past two days!

Monday Blues

that's how I feel today. I will give you a little background as to why I feel that way... On Tuesday morning around 7:30am Jake and I were eating breakfast and I felt a little pain in my chest area. I figured I had eaten something with some corn in it and just thought nothing more of it. But then in my first class at school the pain got slightly worse and I could tell that it was not from an allergic reaction. I could feel the pain in my chest through to my back, at least that's what it felt like. By the end of my last class at 11am I was in enough pain to skip going to the Math Lab and just head home. By the time that Jake came home I was in more pain, I thought maybe I pulled a muscle or something. So I asked Jake to massage my back to see if that would help. But as soon as he started to massage my back it was clear that it was not my back muscles hurting, because him massaging didn't feel like anything. Well I mean I felt it, but it was not sore, so the massage was pointless for the pain. I still just shrugged it for the time being and we watched t.v. until about 9:45pm and decided to go to bed. When I laid down in bed at first everything was fine, but then I got a wave of a small sharp pain, then it went away, and within a few seconds another wave, but a sharper pain, and then another and then another. It got to the point that I felt like it was taking my breath away from being so sharp so I got up out of bed quickly. I was crying and when I could, I called Jake into the room and told him what happened. I tried laying down in bed again and the same thing happened. So Jake and I talked about taking me into the ER, by this point it was about 10:15pm. We decided to have me try to lay down in bed once more and see if I try to just breathe slowly and be calm if the pain would go away. I also tried to really concentrate on the pain, what it felt like, where it felt like it was, and how strong it was. It didn't go away so I did get back up and I told Jake "I think it's my heart" so we went to the ER. At the ER they told me that they wanted to do an EKG and that I would have to lay down for it. I told the nurse that when I lay down it hurts really really badly and I didn't know if I could lay down long enough for the test. But I was able to. After that they gave me some vicodin and put me in a bed in a room to wait for the doctor to review my EKG results. After a while, checking my vitals, and talking to me about the pain and asking me questions. He said that he thought that it was Pericarditis, an inflammation of the Pericardium (the sac around the heart). He told me to take ibuprofen and to make an appointment to come back in within 2 weeks to check up on it. It is now almost a week later and it is still hurting. The ibuprofen does take away a lot of the pain, but ibuprofen (as well as most every pill) has corn in it, which I am allergic to. So I get sick from the ibuprofen :( Blech. I am thinking about taking a day or two off of the ibuprofen to see how the pericarditis is feeling and to give my body a change to get rid of some of this corn build up. I am really tired from all of this too because I am not sleeping well. Probably because of the pericarditis and the allergic reactions put together. It would be pleasant to be better for my birthday, but I am not holding my breath. I am no as sad or bitter about it as I sound right now. I'm just having one of those days. And I have been alone all day, and no one is answering their phones... I think this is about the time that I realize the best thing for me to do is to call it a day and hit the hay! Goodnight all :) God Bless

"pretty"

another day

well its just another day over here in the Rothenbuhler house :) Its a "warmer" Summer day for us at 68 degrees. I'm being totally serious! It has been so overcast and cold lately this Summer. But today I actually took off my sweater on my walk, and opened the back door when I got home to let in the cool breeze. I have not been feeling well lately so there is a pile of housework to do. I just finished up my first session of college this Summer! I don't know my grades yet, I am patiently waiting. I took History and Algebra. I hated my Algebra teacher, and loved my History teacher. I know I got an A in History, and I am hoping for an A in Algebra. Well I know this is short, but my head is pounding. I just wanted to post some kind of an update!

busy heart

so I know I don't get on here all that often, I guess one reason is because I don't like feeling like something that I am doing doesn't matter. And sometimes I feel like that with this blog. I used to love journaling and would write in my journal at least once a day. And then this whole 'blogging' thing buzzed in my ear and I thought that it would help me get back into journaling. But the thing is, I don't like one sided conversations, and I feel like blogging is a lot like that. When I was journaling, it was for me, and there were no expectations. But with blogging I am putting things on the web that some people read, and there is a slight expectation that people will tell you what they think about what you wrote. I'd rather write letters to friends and get a letter in reply. But lately I have been sad about not getting any letters back. I have been busy as well, and I lose addresses that people give me the second they give them to me (yes Matthew, right after you gave me your address on fb chat a few weeks ago, I closed the window before writing down your address AGAIN). So there are friends that I have not written to in a long time. But there are also reasons for that. I wanted to write to this old really good friend of mine. But he recently got a gf and I thought about it and decided that it COULD be something that would get under her skin. So I decided not to write to him. Even though I have talked to her and I think that she knows that he and I have been only friends (never even a crush) for a long time and that we are like siblings. If one of Jake's old girlfriends started writing to him all the time, I have to admit that it would be hard for me to swallow, even if I knew there was nothing going on. It just seems like something that one shouldn't meddle with. I recently had an old friend tell me that he was in love with me, and this is one reason that I try and be careful about friendships with people who are of the opposite sex. That was bad news and we are no longer friends sadly.
I've been having a lot of bad/weird dreams lately. When this happens I just wish I wouldn't dream at all. Dreams have a way to distract me when I am even awake. I don't like how they seem to have a way to weigh on my heart. I know only God can help me, so I have been trying to turn to him. I am not as diligent as I should be all the time, and that has also been bothering me lately too. I am trying, and so is Jake I think. There is a little more then three months until our three year anniversary! I cannot believe it. I thought for sure I would be pregnant by now! Not that we have been trying all those three years or anything. Its just that when we got married I figured we would have our first child by the time that we had been married for two years. I figured pretty much as soon as he was getting close to being done with school or right after. How time can change your mind. Now it seems like it might be YEARS before we want to have a child. It's all so complicated! I want to be a mom, but I don't think I am ready to be a mom. I know if I got pregnant that God would be there with us through it all. But I don't want to get pregnant right now, or do I? This is what happens when I think about it... I get confused! Hehe... The thing is, we are in debt because of Jake going to school and we are paying over $1,000 a month in just that one area. So we would both like to get that all paid off before we have a child so that we have more (enough) money to buy all the things you need for raising a child comfortably. Also, I have always wanted to go to school, and I am finally enrolled to do so. So having a child right now would make me want to drop out and just be a mom. But school is around 4yrs. And we might be paying off our debt for that long as well. And I am not sure about waiting that long to have our first child. I want to be young, and be there and so on. We will see I guess, its in God's hands and we trust him more then ourselves! Because while I sit here confused and such, he knows the hour I will become a mom, if it is to come at all :) My Popi called me yesterday and wanted to make sure that I am happy with Jake. I thought it was really sweet. I am happy, I am more then happy, I am blessed. Well I seem to be a chatterbox :) And yet I feel like I have not really touched on any of the things that I sat down to write! Oh well, I must get to work now. God bless and take care any friends who read this :) I hope you remember to spend time with God today, it will be good, He promises :)

Friday Morning

mmm mmm mmm so this morning Jake took me to Jack In The Box and we had breakfast together. He has been kind of spoiling me because I have been sick for a week! I am pretty sure that my adenoids and tonsils are infected. And this has caused me to get really sick. On Sat night I noticed that my throat felt really sore and it was kind of hard to swallow. Then on Sun it just got worse and I also got a fever and a headache. And it was one of those kind of fevers where you feel like you are burning up and you are shivering at the same time. I was so miserable that day. And of course that was the day that we went to Antioch to visit with everyone and to celebrate two of my brother in laws birthdays. The whole time I was upstairs sleeping, or trying to! Then over the week I got stuffed up with that lovely green thick mucus, which I still have. And I started losing hearing in my left ear and I could tell that there was water in my ear. I could feel it at one point when I would move my head I could feel the water move too! And let me tell you, ear infections hurt! Plus it totally messes with you. I had a hard time telling where noises were coming from! I would be frying something in the kitchen and I swear it would sound to me like someone left the water running in the bathroom down the hall! Crazy. Plus on Wednesday night we had our bible study, and we always sing at those. I couldn't tell if I was singing on key or not, or how loud I was singing! But yesterday it felt like my ear was getting better. Good timing too because I was just about to make a doctor appointment. But then my sinuses felt worse then the other days! Lame. So this morning I am feeling better all around and I am hoping to be completely better really soon! I still have a lot of green mucus in my nose and chest. But my ears are not worse, and I slept better. So... this morning I said "I think I am getting better, but I don't want to jinks myself!" So then I knocked on our wood table ;P Well, I have a lot I could tell you about, but I am tired now! So I am going to go veg out for an hour or two and then take a nap :)

good morning bright sunshine!

So this morning our alarm went off at 7am like normal, but it was still not sunny out!! That just makes it harder to get out of bed! But I am really good about getting up as soon as the alarm goes off, so I went to get up.. but Jake stopped me. He said that he wanted to sleep until 7:30am. And he is the only reason that we get up early anyways, so I got back into bed until 7:30am! And it was nice because the sun was shining by then! The weather outside in my little town this morning was PERFECT, my FAVORITE kind :) I was so happy I wanted to wear a skirt and some pretty shoes. But I had to get dressed quickly so that Jake could take me out for some coffee this morning. So I just wore my good old jeans and jacket. Normally Jake is always warmer then I am. But this morning I felt just perfect and he was saying that he was really cold. Silly boy, it was just right outside ;) When we got out of our car at Peet's we could smell car brakes, you're not supposed to be able to smell them! And it was kind of strong, so we were worried. But we went to go get our coffee and I noticed that I was still smelling it more then a block down the street from our car. So I told Jake that I didn't think it was our car, but he couldn't smell it where we were. So we figured we would just check out our car when we got back to it. Ahhhh and when we walked out of the coffee shop the sun was shining right inbetween the buildings in front of us and it was so so so nice. I wish that Jake and I could've taken a walk on the beach together this morning :) Anyways, we got back to our car and the smell wasn't coming from us. So that was a relief! Well, today I am planning on making a few cards and writing to some family and friends. My knee is feeling better (did I mention that I twisted it?) and so is my left leg. But I am still not going to go running this week *tears!!!*. And Jake doesn't want me to even take any walks until at least Thursday. I feel so locked in. I guess I would do really badly if I ever broke any bones in my legs! But because I didn't run last week and then this week too I have to be REALLY careful to be under my calories each day, or I am going to gain all my weight back! Bummer. Ok well I am going to get to my cards now!

the lazy one

ok so I have been SO LAZY about my blogs. I have really not been feeling like blogging lately. I have kind of been feeling the same way about writing letters and scrapbooking. Bummer. However I have a lot to add on my craft blog! Because that's pretty much the thing I do the most now days. I have been trying to find a job, but no luck! It truly sucks trying to find a job right now. But thankfully Jake's job is enough to cover all of our bills. It just means that we can't buy extra things, and we can't pay off our credit cards or student loans any faster. So I am still looking looking looking for a job. It takes me hours sometimes to apply to only a few jobs online! So many employers are starting to only accept applications from candidates that have a bachelors degree! LAME. Ummm what else, we are not trying to have any kids yet. We were thinking about it for a while a while back. But recently I have been wanting to NOT get pregnant. Weird I know. But I just all the sudden really felt like I was not ready to be a mom yet! I had a doctors appointment a while ago because I was late twice and both times the period was really painful and weird. But tests came back normal, so the doctor said to just try and stress less. I also had to go to the doctor for more impetigo, but this time it was right above my lip. When it finally went away (after two weeks of taking antibiotics 4x a day!) it left a pink scar. GRRRRR. That really frustrates me, but what can you do? Oh well. Ummm so the final consensus is that I can eat cheese, but not other dairy product! So weird, but GOOD. Because cheese is my favorite. It's just not good in the sense that it has so many calories in it and I am trying to get in shape! Jake and I have been going hiking every Sat for almost 2 months now! Go us! And we are counting our calories. At one point in my life, ok ok ok at more then one point in my life, I vowed that I would never be a "calorie counter", but here I am, counting calories. It sucks, but it is good for me. I will learn to eat healthier and I will get in shape. I have been also either going for at least a 2mile walk everyday or a 1mile walk + a 1mile run. That's been going great. The first week I ran I only did it one time (in great time!) but was so sore that I didn't go again that whole week. So the next week I decided to go as much as possible so that my body could get used to it fast. I went 3 or 4 times and I was WAY less sore. But when we went on our hike on Sat my legs got tired faster then normal. Then on the hike this Sat I twisted my knee! And now I can't go running today. And I really really want to! Its been making me feel so anxious. I always go running by the beach and today as I was driving past it, and feeling the nice nice sunshine I was so sad that I couldn't go out for a jog. *tear*. Anyways, more news! We adopted a cat! He was an abandoned cat, fully grown. He is white with tanish-yellow golden eyes. We named him Alfred, but we call him Freddo, you know, "I know it was you Freddo..... and it breaks my heart!". LOL, Jake says that to everyone :) He is a really great cat. When I set up his litter box he went right to it, and has never gone anywhere except in it (even though I accidentally bought one that is too small!). And even just the first day of having him he followed me around from room to room and was jealous of my attention. I would sit down at the computer to write an email and he would jump up onto the desk and try to get me to pet him. So needless to say he has loved us from day one :) And we love him. Here is a photo of him and Jake laying in bed reading the very first night we had him!

So cute! He loves to sleep in the room with us, and when we are just laying down at night or waking up in the morning he always comes and crawls onto our chests, waiting to get scratched ;P Here is a photo of him on my chest one morning...

You can't see me in the photo because I am taking it, but I still think its a cute photo :) Anyways, speaking of photos, I need to go to the store to pick up the photos I had developed this morning! So I will try to be better about blogging!