Sunday, October 17, 2010
The Quiet
What is it that I love about you? That makes me seek you? What is it about you that changes me? I cannot answer these questions for sure But I love the way I can hear myself breathe, how everything seems clearer. I love the peace that flows in my veins, I feel compelled to close my eyes and smile, to just relish in the moment. I search for you, and hide away in you. I understand that sometimes I will not be able to find you, but I know that you will never be too far away. When I sit with you my worries slide from my heart out the door and wait for me to leave you and regain their position there. When you reside in my heart you bring a peace to my day from the inside out. I've known you from the day I was born, and I will keep you to the day I die. I love you, my quiet :)
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Funny How Things Work Out
Isn't it though? Most of us have ideas of how things will be when we grow up. People look at kids and the way they are and for some reason think it shows what they will be like when they are adults. Lets take a look into the things that have changed about me since I was younger.
1. Growing up I had NO sweet tooth at all. I didn't even eat the cake at birthday per ties.
*I just ate a piece of pumpkin pie COVERED in whip cream. And I get cravings for sweets now.
2. I wanted to be an ER doctor.
*I don't even want to take an Anatomy class at school because I don't want to dissect a cadavar.
3. I would put zip lock bags over my hands and hold my breath whenever I had to touch raw meat.
*I like medium rare streak, and I touch all kinds of raw meat while cooking now.
4. I was insanely picky about food and wouldn't branch out.
*I will try everything once. And if I don't like it, I will keep trying it over and over again to see if it will grow on me.
5. I had a really closed mind about life issues. And maybe that just had to do with my age.
*I am open to hearing others opinions on things, and am willing to change.
6. I used to not care about what others thought about my clothes and hair.
*It really matters to me now.
7. I hated reading.
*Do I really have to say what the change is ;)
8. I wanted to be a mom by the time I was 22.
*I'm 24, and not trying.
9. I lived in heels.
*I live in ballet flats.
10. I was loud, and cheery, and patient.
*I like quiet, I'm happy, but not always, and I am trying to be patient :)
Of course there are so many things. But I won't write them all done now. The thing is, I am just realizing how much I am not the person I used to be. Its not bad, it just is. I used to write really well for my age. And right now I am struggling. But I am growing and changing as we speak. And I think that is a wonderful thing. I don't ever want to stay the same.
1. Growing up I had NO sweet tooth at all. I didn't even eat the cake at birthday per ties.
*I just ate a piece of pumpkin pie COVERED in whip cream. And I get cravings for sweets now.
2. I wanted to be an ER doctor.
*I don't even want to take an Anatomy class at school because I don't want to dissect a cadavar.
3. I would put zip lock bags over my hands and hold my breath whenever I had to touch raw meat.
*I like medium rare streak, and I touch all kinds of raw meat while cooking now.
4. I was insanely picky about food and wouldn't branch out.
*I will try everything once. And if I don't like it, I will keep trying it over and over again to see if it will grow on me.
5. I had a really closed mind about life issues. And maybe that just had to do with my age.
*I am open to hearing others opinions on things, and am willing to change.
6. I used to not care about what others thought about my clothes and hair.
*It really matters to me now.
7. I hated reading.
*Do I really have to say what the change is ;)
8. I wanted to be a mom by the time I was 22.
*I'm 24, and not trying.
9. I lived in heels.
*I live in ballet flats.
10. I was loud, and cheery, and patient.
*I like quiet, I'm happy, but not always, and I am trying to be patient :)
Of course there are so many things. But I won't write them all done now. The thing is, I am just realizing how much I am not the person I used to be. Its not bad, it just is. I used to write really well for my age. And right now I am struggling. But I am growing and changing as we speak. And I think that is a wonderful thing. I don't ever want to stay the same.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Fears - inspired by Shelly
My friend Shelly just did a blog post about a fear that she has. The fear of reading outload in public. As I was trying to leave her a comment I decided (since it wouldn't let me leave the comment, and since I haven't blogged regularly lately) to just make my own post about it. Shelly I hope you don't mind :) When I was little I had the same fear. I hated being asked to read things aloud even just at home around my family. I got this "tunnel vision" type thing with my eyes. I felt like I lost the ability to recognize words I knew, my palms got sweaty, and I was just all around nervous. Couldn't even sit still in my seat. There is something about reading outloud that makes people scared. I think it must be tied to public speaking too. Because a lot of people that I know don't like doing either of these things. I'm guessing it has something to do with being judged by others. But I don't really know.
Anyways, what I was going to tell Shelly is that I don't really fear it anymore. I have a thing about my fears, if I feel like I am being irrational I will do what I can to overcome that fear. Like the reading outloud, there isn't really anything about it that should make me fear it. So I put myself out there, as uncomfortable as it is. You cannot learn to swim if you don't get in the water (which is my next fear, but we'll get to that in a second). When someone would ask for a volunteer to read something I would raise my hand. Its not that I wanted to do it, but I just wanted to get over this feeling that took over me when I did do it. And with time it got better. I still don't like reading outloud in public, but I don't mind doing it.
Thinking about this fear made me think of what fears I have right now. For years now I have been working on two fears; large bodies of water that I can't touch and/or see the floor bed to, and dogs - of any size or breed - no, it doesn't matter if they are little and cute as a button.
Lets start with the water one. Like I said I am afraid of being out in water that I can't see through, and also when I cannot touch the floor bed. If I let my fear overcome me, it gets so bad that I have a panic attack. This to me seems like a silly fear. Especially when the water is safe for all intents and purposes. My solution - get in the water, in the middle, where I would be most scared. I'm not trying to say this is an easy thing to do. But when you want to get over a fear, I think the best way is to face it, over and over again. You will most likely dread it, and want to turn back, and maybe sometimes you will. But just keep at it. That's what I tell myself anyways. Everytime someone I am with asks if I want to go with them to a river, the ocean, or a lake, I want to say no. It is not my idea of fun. But I always, ALWAYS, say yes :( I get into my suit and I swim out until I cannot touch the bottom anymore, and I either tread water or swim around. I have to constantly be giving myself a pep talk in my mind, control my breathing and try to not let the fear take over me. My heart races at times, and my breathing is fast, I'm scared. But I know, I really know, that it's ok, I will be ok. I always get a headache from the stress of doing all this, but I like to think that someday I will enjoy going swimming in large bodies of water. They are beautiful, and every else looks like they are having a great time!
My next fear is of dogs. I can't really explain this one. I'm just scared of them. I'm always afraid that they will all turn their head and attack me as I am walking by. This is another silly fear. Even peoples family dogs freak me out. I can see them playing with the children but I still don't want him to come anywhere near me. I used to cross the street if someone was walking towards me with a dog. But just like with the water thing, I am working on it. I will stay on the same sidewalk, and as time has passed I have also challenged myself to walk closer and closer to the dog itself. I am not as scared of dogs as I am of the water, but its still a fear that I have.
What are your fears?
Anyways, what I was going to tell Shelly is that I don't really fear it anymore. I have a thing about my fears, if I feel like I am being irrational I will do what I can to overcome that fear. Like the reading outloud, there isn't really anything about it that should make me fear it. So I put myself out there, as uncomfortable as it is. You cannot learn to swim if you don't get in the water (which is my next fear, but we'll get to that in a second). When someone would ask for a volunteer to read something I would raise my hand. Its not that I wanted to do it, but I just wanted to get over this feeling that took over me when I did do it. And with time it got better. I still don't like reading outloud in public, but I don't mind doing it.
Thinking about this fear made me think of what fears I have right now. For years now I have been working on two fears; large bodies of water that I can't touch and/or see the floor bed to, and dogs - of any size or breed - no, it doesn't matter if they are little and cute as a button.
Lets start with the water one. Like I said I am afraid of being out in water that I can't see through, and also when I cannot touch the floor bed. If I let my fear overcome me, it gets so bad that I have a panic attack. This to me seems like a silly fear. Especially when the water is safe for all intents and purposes. My solution - get in the water, in the middle, where I would be most scared. I'm not trying to say this is an easy thing to do. But when you want to get over a fear, I think the best way is to face it, over and over again. You will most likely dread it, and want to turn back, and maybe sometimes you will. But just keep at it. That's what I tell myself anyways. Everytime someone I am with asks if I want to go with them to a river, the ocean, or a lake, I want to say no. It is not my idea of fun. But I always, ALWAYS, say yes :( I get into my suit and I swim out until I cannot touch the bottom anymore, and I either tread water or swim around. I have to constantly be giving myself a pep talk in my mind, control my breathing and try to not let the fear take over me. My heart races at times, and my breathing is fast, I'm scared. But I know, I really know, that it's ok, I will be ok. I always get a headache from the stress of doing all this, but I like to think that someday I will enjoy going swimming in large bodies of water. They are beautiful, and every else looks like they are having a great time!
My next fear is of dogs. I can't really explain this one. I'm just scared of them. I'm always afraid that they will all turn their head and attack me as I am walking by. This is another silly fear. Even peoples family dogs freak me out. I can see them playing with the children but I still don't want him to come anywhere near me. I used to cross the street if someone was walking towards me with a dog. But just like with the water thing, I am working on it. I will stay on the same sidewalk, and as time has passed I have also challenged myself to walk closer and closer to the dog itself. I am not as scared of dogs as I am of the water, but its still a fear that I have.
What are your fears?
Friday, October 8, 2010
Foxy Shazam
I am pretty sure that I have mentioned this band before. Anyways, Jake and I discovered them by accident and now we both love them so much! We've been to two of their concerts so far. 
And they are about to be in town again. Jake and I are going to go to every concert in the area! Yeah, believe me, its necessary. Promise. Seeing them in concert is so much fun. 
Plus last time we saw them in concert I discovered a new band that I really like as well, from Boston 
Bad Rabbits ;) This is how I think people view Foxy Shazam, love or hate. 
(How can you not love these guys?!) They are one of those bands that I feel don't really have that much of an in-between following. They are quirky, and high energy. I love it. Anyways, I think there are about 3 concerts that we will be going to at the end of this month, in a row. Its going to be a blast. 
I bet I'll feel like a rock star ;P I will try to get some photos for you guys! I am going to try to learn the words to more of their songs so that I can sing along better this time. I love their music, but most of the time I am listening to it while doing homework and haven't memorized the words. And concerts are better when you know the words :)
Ok guys, I didn't forget about the "geekery" post, but I haven't sat down and figured out how to post the photos from my ipad onto blogger yet, so I will make it a goal of mine to do next week :) I would say this weekend, but I have midterms to study for. So, I'm sorry for dangling a carrot and not giving it to you yet. I know, it was mean. I didn't mean to drag it out this long. And now when I finally post it, you will be expecting something uber cool and it will disappoint, lol, epic fail. Oh well. I am confident that you guys will forgive me :) Because you guys are the best!
And they are about to be in town again. Jake and I are going to go to every concert in the area! Yeah, believe me, its necessary. Promise. Seeing them in concert is so much fun. Bad Rabbits ;) This is how I think people view Foxy Shazam, love or hate. (How can you not love these guys?!) They are one of those bands that I feel don't really have that much of an in-between following. They are quirky, and high energy. I love it. Anyways, I think there are about 3 concerts that we will be going to at the end of this month, in a row. Its going to be a blast. I bet I'll feel like a rock star ;P I will try to get some photos for you guys! I am going to try to learn the words to more of their songs so that I can sing along better this time. I love their music, but most of the time I am listening to it while doing homework and haven't memorized the words. And concerts are better when you know the words :)Ok guys, I didn't forget about the "geekery" post, but I haven't sat down and figured out how to post the photos from my ipad onto blogger yet, so I will make it a goal of mine to do next week :) I would say this weekend, but I have midterms to study for. So, I'm sorry for dangling a carrot and not giving it to you yet. I know, it was mean. I didn't mean to drag it out this long. And now when I finally post it, you will be expecting something uber cool and it will disappoint, lol, epic fail. Oh well. I am confident that you guys will forgive me :) Because you guys are the best!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Seriously
I have been trying to get a post going for days now. I'm trying to keep up on hw, sleep, and studying for midterms. I know, I just had midterms right?!? Ugh, round 2 is coming up fast! And I can't figure out how to post these photos that I want for my next blog post. Soon, I'm going to get it up. Promise. Or maybe I shouldn't promise... Anyways, also! Jakes birthday is on the first of next month and I am reallly really really trying to make time to work on his gift. I'm making him something this year. And in case he still reads this blog I won't say anything else :D But working on that would be more important than figuring out how to post those photos. Sorry!
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