Fears - inspired by Shelly

My friend Shelly just did a blog post about a fear that she has. The fear of reading outload in public. As I was trying to leave her a comment I decided (since it wouldn't let me leave the comment, and since I haven't blogged regularly lately) to just make my own post about it. Shelly I hope you don't mind :) When I was little I had the same fear. I hated being asked to read things aloud even just at home around my family. I got this "tunnel vision" type thing with my eyes. I felt like I lost the ability to recognize words I knew, my palms got sweaty, and I was just all around nervous. Couldn't even sit still in my seat. There is something about reading outloud that makes people scared. I think it must be tied to public speaking too. Because a lot of people that I know don't like doing either of these things. I'm guessing it has something to do with being judged by others. But I don't really know.

Anyways, what I was going to tell Shelly is that I don't really fear it anymore. I have a thing about my fears, if I feel like I am being irrational I will do what I can to overcome that fear. Like the reading outloud, there isn't really anything about it that should make me fear it. So I put myself out there, as uncomfortable as it is. You cannot learn to swim if you don't get in the water (which is my next fear, but we'll get to that in a second). When someone would ask for a volunteer to read something I would raise my hand. Its not that I wanted to do it, but I just wanted to get over this feeling that took over me when I did do it. And with time it got better. I still don't like reading outloud in public, but I don't mind doing it.

Thinking about this fear made me think of what fears I have right now. For years now I have been working on two fears; large bodies of water that I can't touch and/or see the floor bed to, and dogs - of any size or breed - no, it doesn't matter if they are little and cute as a button.

Lets start with the water one. Like I said I am afraid of being out in water that I can't see through, and also when I cannot touch the floor bed. If I let my fear overcome me, it gets so bad that I have a panic attack. This to me seems like a silly fear. Especially when the water is safe for all intents and purposes. My solution - get in the water, in the middle, where I would be most scared. I'm not trying to say this is an easy thing to do. But when you want to get over a fear, I think the best way is to face it, over and over again. You will most likely dread it, and want to turn back, and maybe sometimes you will. But just keep at it. That's what I tell myself anyways. Everytime someone I am with asks if I want to go with them to a river, the ocean, or a lake, I want to say no. It is not my idea of fun. But I always, ALWAYS, say yes :( I get into my suit and I swim out until I cannot touch the bottom anymore, and I either tread water or swim around. I have to constantly be giving myself a pep talk in my mind, control my breathing and try to not let the fear take over me. My heart races at times, and my breathing is fast, I'm scared. But I know, I really know, that it's ok, I will be ok. I always get a headache from the stress of doing all this, but I like to think that someday I will enjoy going swimming in large bodies of water. They are beautiful, and every else looks like they are having a great time!

My next fear is of dogs. I can't really explain this one. I'm just scared of them. I'm always afraid that they will all turn their head and attack me as I am walking by. This is another silly fear. Even peoples family dogs freak me out. I can see them playing with the children but I still don't want him to come anywhere near me. I used to cross the street if someone was walking towards me with a dog. But just like with the water thing, I am working on it. I will stay on the same sidewalk, and as time has passed I have also challenged myself to walk closer and closer to the dog itself. I am not as scared of dogs as I am of the water, but its still a fear that I have.

What are your fears?