So for the past few days my wonderful husband and I have been watching our way through all the James Bond movies. He loves them, and I haven't seen any but the past two. So away we went. Most of them I have liked so far. This past week has been absolutely stuffed as full as can be with precalculus. Lectures for 3hrs a day and then a minimum of 9hrs of homework afterwards. Somedays there was even 12hrs of homework to do. Insane. At one point I considered dropping the class and just trying to take it in the Fall. But there were no open classes left in the Fall (we sign up for Summer and Fall classes at the same time), so I decided to keep trying and pushing forward. Call me crazy. But I really don't want to keep dropping math classes. I need to get them out of the way. As you all know I dropped all my classes last semester. So if I dropped this class and there are no more available in the Fall I would be behind 3 semesters for Math. No good. I am glad I stuck with it because I am doing well in the class so far. It is so hard for me to learn math so quickly. I feel like I have to learn so much in those 3hr long lectures. And if I don't understand something I have to figure it out FAST. We are quizzed every morning on the material that we learned the day before. So you really HAVE to do all your homework each night and not put it off for the weekend. I am about to leave for Texas for a week so I will be missing a week of class. The only reason this makes me nervous is because I learn better from being shown how to do something rather than reading it in the book and trying to figure it out myself. That's why I love doing my homework in the math lab. If I get stuck there is someone there to help me right away. I don't waste hours of time confused and frustrated. Which is what happens when I don't understand something when I am learning on my own. I will be missing 3 quizzes and 1 exam!
Right before school started again for me though I was at Lush a lot. One thing I am excited about trying this week is their newest bath bomb. Its Wild Rose Country. And it smells wonderful. But the reason I bought it is because all of the proceeds are going towards a charity that is fighting against the tar sands in Canada. If you don't know what I am talking about you should look into it as well. Its a sad thing for that area. So I bought one of the bombs. It reminds me of their Turkish Delight body polish. Roses roses roses. I never ever thought I would be buying bath products that smelled of roses. Tonight I will be trying the Love Lettuce fresh face mask. I am looking forward to that :) Right now I have some Hair Doctor hair and scalp mask in, and it feels great. I just love that minty tingle on my scalp. And boy did my scalp need some Hair Doctor! It has been so dry and flakey from this warmer weather. Well I know this post wasn't the greatest, I am distracted by this movie. And I'm actually pretty tired. So see ya later!
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
things are heating up!
Its getting hotter and hotter! Ugh. I need AC for reals. So today was the last day of my "sleep" journal. I am still not sure how this is going to work. I think that most nights I get about 4-6 hours of sleep. Which is fine. I am not as well as I was when I was getting 7-10 hours of sleep per night. Plus with the ambien it was regular sleep. Without it I never know when I am going to rest well, and when I am going to be awake all night tossing and turning. I have my next doctors appointment on July 6th. So we'll see what happens then. What have I been up to lately? Well I have been crocheting a lot. I have been working on this plain blanket for Jake using some neat yarn that I liked. But I don't like how boring it is. So even though I have made quite a bit of it, I am going to start over. Call me crazy, but I know that if I don't do it now I will always be disappointed in it. So thats that. I am working on a fun airy Summer blanket at the moment. Its kind of like a granny square blanket, but with bigger gaps so that its lighter. There are three different colors of blue in the yarn and one shade of green. I really like it. I think it will go with the beach/ocean photos that I have above our bed very well. So far I have completed two squares of ten rounds each. Next, I have done some shopping at Lush, of course. I actually just exchanged a few items that I wasn't liking that well, and picked out some new things. One of the things that I picked out I tried and already know I won't repurchase it. Oh my lush store is so sweet to me too! They are always giving me things :) I went to Berkeley on Tuesday with Jake (he was working during the day) so that I could watch him play softball in the evening, and I planned on going to the gym while I was there. However, once I arrived in Berkeley and was about to head over to the gym I realized that I didn't bring anything to shower with afterwards! So I dropped by lush and they gave me sample pots of shampoo, conditioner, and soaps! That gym locker room smelled so nice after I showered! I have also scrapbooked again! I haven't done that in so long. I have made quite a few pages over the past few days. And today I ordered some more prints! So excited :) Jake and I have also been watching a ton of sports lately! We watch the Battle Of The Bay, which is a series of baseball games between the San Francisco Giants, and the Oakland Athletics. We also watch the Playoffs, which was 7 games of basketball between the Boston Celtics and the Los Angeles Lakers. Of course I was cheering on the Lakers, and we took the championship baby! Dude, so many of my friends were so mad about that. So many people hate the Lakers (and pretty much all the friends I am talking about live in CALIFORNIA, why wouldn't they cheer for the team from CALIFORNIA) and I am not really sure why. I mean I guess some people from Sacramento are bitter because the Lakers are a better team than the Kings. But whatever. I loved seeing them win and I think it was a hard earned fair win. But that's just from my point of view, and this is my blog, so thats fair. And last but certainly not least, we are watching the World Cup, which is soccer :) Right now I am watching England play against Algeria. This is only a game to watch for me because this game can effect the USA team later on. Depending on who wins in this game. Jake knows the specifics way better than I do. I understand whats going on with the structure of how they decide who plays who, but its hard for me to explain. Anyways, this morning we woke up at 4:30 to watch Germany play, and lose :( And then after that game was the USA team. So we watched that one as well. Then Jake went to work and I and keeping him updated on the games playing while he is gone :) I think I am going to go make some coasters now, because using old magazines as coasters is not working for me...
Saturday, June 12, 2010
bitter sweet
The same day I made my first scrapbook page of my little brother David was the same day he got out of jail and moved back home with my parents. Bittersweet. Bitter because I don't like who he has been for the past several years. I don't like how he seems to say whatever you want to hear and not really mean it. Sweet because my parents seem to really believe he has had a change of heart and that he is going to get his life back together again. I hope he can come back to being the person I remember him as when I lived at home.
On another note, the England vs. USA soccer game just started. We (Jake and I, and soon our cousin Roberto) are watching it. I think England will win.
On another note, the England vs. USA soccer game just started. We (Jake and I, and soon our cousin Roberto) are watching it. I think England will win.
Monday, June 7, 2010
everything rides on hope now
I cannot believe how thankful I am for getting 4 hours of sleep last night. That may seem weird. Here is why...
On Friday I finally went into my hospitals pharmacy to pick up a new prescription of Ambien. I tried 1 night without it and only slept about 2 hours. So I was determined to sort out whatever excuse as to why my prescription wasn't ready after 3 days. Its normally ready in 1 day. So I wasn't prepared for it taking this long, and I wasn't happy about it. The pharmacist told me that there was no prescription even ordered for me. Of course I know I ordered it, but if her computer says otherwise what can I do but start over right? Wrong. I told her politely "ok, I'll just wait for it". But what she meant was that there wouldn't be an order for me at all. This lady was like pulling teeth to get any info. I finally got something about a new law preventing my old dr. from signing off on my current prescriptions, needing to see my new dr. for a new prescription, substance abuse suspicion, a phone number written so messy I cannot make it out, a black phone in the hallway, and the advice center. Seems like I'm getting NOWHERE with this lady so I left the pharmacy and found the information/help desk. I explained to these ladies (who already seem more keen on helping me out! whew!) my situation and that I didn't want to leave the hospital until I resolved the whole thing, so what do I need to do now? They called someone on their phone, I assumed my new dr., but it wasn't her, so I still have no idea who I was talking to... an advice center person maybe? No. I have no idea. Anyways, after I re-explained everything to her I was transferred to another person. Same thing. Ugh. Then what I had gathered was that I needed to talk to my new dr. she was in today, but I couldn't just go up to her office and talk to her without paying for a visit (thanks guys, I feel like you really want to help me when you make me pay you for a whole visit just to ask you a question!), but I could call the advice center and they could send a message to her inbox and blah blah blah. So I went down to the black phone in the hallway and called the advice center. After re-giving one more person all my medical information (really? You need the first day of my last menstrual cycle? Just to send my dr. a message about my sleeping pills?... let me look it up on my calendar...) I finally get a message sent up to my dr. Then this lady tells me that its ok to go up to the area (adult medicine) that she is working in and let her assistant know that I sent a message and would like to wait for a reply. So I made my way over to the next building and up to the second floor. Down several hallways and arrive at the adult medicine receptionist. After explaining everything to her as well and getting a puzzled look she asks me "so are you here for an appointment" Palm to face moment. Why is this so hard people?!? She has me fill out this information sheet and place it in the box on the door. A nurse comes and picks it up after several minutes. Then disappears for several minutes. Then comes into the receptionists area and asks her about it. Then comes out into the lobby and asks me to come back. Then I explain to this nurse what I am trying to accomplish. She then sends me back to the lobby. Then my dr.'s intern comes out and calls my name, and asks me to come back. Then I explain everything to him. Back in the lobby. This goes on for quite some time. I finally get called back by the intern again. He tells me that my dr. didn't want to sign off on my prescription. But that she did anyways, one last time. Then he explains that they are scheduling me for a behavioral something appointment. I still have NO IDEA why or for what this appointment is for. I believe it has something to do with seeing if they think I am abusing my prescription, which they have already told me today that they think I am... or maybe its for something less cynical, like seeing how they can help me with my insomnia. It would be nice to know what its for. He also told me that I needed to go downstairs to the info clinic and pick up some pamphlets on insomnia. And my dr. wants me to keep a sleep journal for the next 2 weeks WITHOUT taking any ambien. Oh, but I'm allowed to take 1 ambien pill during that 2 week period if I need to. What the heck is 1 freaking pill going to do for me in 2 weeks?!? That was one of the most retarded things I heard that he said to me. It was like an insult. Grrrr. It is already in my medical file all the things that I have done in order to resolve this sleeping problem. Getting pills for it was the LAST thing I tried. Seriously. I put off trying them for forever because I was really nervous from stories I had heard and stuff. But then I tried them, and they work for me, and I have no adverse reactions. So what is wrong with these people? I assume they know a bit of what they are talking about, I am not a dr., but still. This seems so redundant. So I got the prescription for 30 more days in the end. But I don't really even understand why she gave me them when she wants me to not take them...? That wasn't smart on her part in my opinion. I went downstairs and looked around and couldn't find anything on insomnia, so I asked the cute little old lady behind the desk about it. She said they don't carry pamphlets on insomnia, but that she would try to find something for me. She came back a few minutes later with two articles printing of the internet. Cute. Then another lady (I am assuming her boss) came out and tried to sell me this "sleep better" package thing they have. I declined. I am only doing this because I was advised to by my dr., I already know all the information that will be in these two articles. Believe me, this is not a new thing to me. I make my way to the pharmacy. I shouldn't have filled that prescription. It is so so so expensive, and I was planning on trying to do the 2 weeks without them anyways. And if I make it through that alive then I won't need the pills. So why did I fill and pay for that stupid prescription?!? I suppose because that was the whole reason I was there that day. It was a long day of running around in the hospital and repeating myself and not getting mad after only 2 hours of sleep. ugh. So now I have a full bottle (30 pills/over $150) of ambien that I'm not supposed to take. Great. Anyways. I have stuck to those stupid rules that insomniacs get when their dr.'s want to "heal" them.
1. only a small amount of caffeine, and only in the morning
2. eat healthy
3. exercise everyday
4. no more than one alcoholic beverage in a day
5. no big meals right before bed, but have a light snack if hungry
6. NO NAPS. no matter how tired you are.
7. go to bed at the same time every night, even on weekends
8. get out of bed at the same time every morning, whether you slept well or not, and even on the weekend
9. keep your room cool, I put a fan on my side of the bed
10. do relaxation exercises if you cannot sleep
11. don't do things in your bed other than sleep and have sex
12. try to not spend extra amounts of time in your room
13. don't go to bed thirsty, but don't drink so much that you have to get up and go to the bathroom
14. go outside in the morning and get some sunshine (really?!)
15. don't smoke
16. don't do thinking type of problems before bed to where you would be kept up thinking
Ok now, I have said before that I have tried it all before. But I am willing to try to kick this without pills. I would rather be able to sleep and not use them. But I want to sleep. That is my end goal, not getting rid of pills. I haven't been addicted to caffeine in a while. I eat pretty well, and I am still working on making that better and better. I get regular exercise. Ok, sometimes I have more than one drink, but not more than two. And I don't drink everyday, or even close to that. The naps thing is hard for me when I am only getting a small amount of sleep! But I am doing it. I have a pretty normal bed and wake up time. But I am making it strict for right now. 10pm bedtime, and 7am wake up time. Until recently (a week ago) my room has been cool, but its getting hot now. Of course I am trying to relax, I am trying to sleep! Until we moved into a room in a house with other people I was really good about not using my bed for anything but sleep and sex. But we have no chairs in our room, just our bed. So lately I have been using it to use the computer or read on. I have been good about not doing that in the past few days. I hate the not spending extra time in the room thing. It's my safe haven. I drink more water than anyone I know. Well until I cut back lately! :P I love getting out of the house in the morning, so I get my morning sunshine. I don't smoke. And I have never had the problem of not sleeping because my thoughts are racing and won't stop.
So lets see how I have been doing...
Thursday night I slept 2 hours into Friday morning
Friday night I slept 33 minutes into Saturday morning
Saturday night I slept about 1 and a 1/2 hours into Sunday morning
Sunday night I slept about 4 hours into Monday morning
Obviously last night was the best so far. But its been hard. I have wanting to take a nap so badly it hurt sometimes. I have not been able to do the simplest things because of the lack of sleep. I feel like I am not human with such a small amount of sleep. This is crazy. But I am so full of hope. I want this to catch, I want this to work. Really badly. I am hoping that it is. As far as my sleep journal, it started on Friday, so the only days that count so far are the nights of 33minutes, 1 1/2 hours, and 4 hours, of sleep. Following this pattern I am progressing. I will hold onto this bit of happiness. I am still incredibly tired today. Its hard to believe that I am still up an running after those nights of practically no sleep! I am proud of myself for not giving in and taking naps. I have not gotten to bed every single night at 10pm, its been the weekend, it was such a bad time to start assigning myself a bedtime :P This is the first day that I felt like I could actually THINK. That's nice. It means that I could sit down and push through a blog post! I also don't ache as much as I have the few mornings before. Yesterday I had such a bad headache I was crying and felt a little nauseated. Gross. Riding passenger in the car was torturous. I felt every little bump! But let's focus on today! I get to go have lunch with Jake, I get a free drink at Peet's, I'm going to Lush, and I get to watch Jake playing softball tonight! It's going to be a great day. I can feel it. I am rich with anticipation! Catch you all later ;D
On Friday I finally went into my hospitals pharmacy to pick up a new prescription of Ambien. I tried 1 night without it and only slept about 2 hours. So I was determined to sort out whatever excuse as to why my prescription wasn't ready after 3 days. Its normally ready in 1 day. So I wasn't prepared for it taking this long, and I wasn't happy about it. The pharmacist told me that there was no prescription even ordered for me. Of course I know I ordered it, but if her computer says otherwise what can I do but start over right? Wrong. I told her politely "ok, I'll just wait for it". But what she meant was that there wouldn't be an order for me at all. This lady was like pulling teeth to get any info. I finally got something about a new law preventing my old dr. from signing off on my current prescriptions, needing to see my new dr. for a new prescription, substance abuse suspicion, a phone number written so messy I cannot make it out, a black phone in the hallway, and the advice center. Seems like I'm getting NOWHERE with this lady so I left the pharmacy and found the information/help desk. I explained to these ladies (who already seem more keen on helping me out! whew!) my situation and that I didn't want to leave the hospital until I resolved the whole thing, so what do I need to do now? They called someone on their phone, I assumed my new dr., but it wasn't her, so I still have no idea who I was talking to... an advice center person maybe? No. I have no idea. Anyways, after I re-explained everything to her I was transferred to another person. Same thing. Ugh. Then what I had gathered was that I needed to talk to my new dr. she was in today, but I couldn't just go up to her office and talk to her without paying for a visit (thanks guys, I feel like you really want to help me when you make me pay you for a whole visit just to ask you a question!), but I could call the advice center and they could send a message to her inbox and blah blah blah. So I went down to the black phone in the hallway and called the advice center. After re-giving one more person all my medical information (really? You need the first day of my last menstrual cycle? Just to send my dr. a message about my sleeping pills?... let me look it up on my calendar...) I finally get a message sent up to my dr. Then this lady tells me that its ok to go up to the area (adult medicine) that she is working in and let her assistant know that I sent a message and would like to wait for a reply. So I made my way over to the next building and up to the second floor. Down several hallways and arrive at the adult medicine receptionist. After explaining everything to her as well and getting a puzzled look she asks me "so are you here for an appointment" Palm to face moment. Why is this so hard people?!? She has me fill out this information sheet and place it in the box on the door. A nurse comes and picks it up after several minutes. Then disappears for several minutes. Then comes into the receptionists area and asks her about it. Then comes out into the lobby and asks me to come back. Then I explain to this nurse what I am trying to accomplish. She then sends me back to the lobby. Then my dr.'s intern comes out and calls my name, and asks me to come back. Then I explain everything to him. Back in the lobby. This goes on for quite some time. I finally get called back by the intern again. He tells me that my dr. didn't want to sign off on my prescription. But that she did anyways, one last time. Then he explains that they are scheduling me for a behavioral something appointment. I still have NO IDEA why or for what this appointment is for. I believe it has something to do with seeing if they think I am abusing my prescription, which they have already told me today that they think I am... or maybe its for something less cynical, like seeing how they can help me with my insomnia. It would be nice to know what its for. He also told me that I needed to go downstairs to the info clinic and pick up some pamphlets on insomnia. And my dr. wants me to keep a sleep journal for the next 2 weeks WITHOUT taking any ambien. Oh, but I'm allowed to take 1 ambien pill during that 2 week period if I need to. What the heck is 1 freaking pill going to do for me in 2 weeks?!? That was one of the most retarded things I heard that he said to me. It was like an insult. Grrrr. It is already in my medical file all the things that I have done in order to resolve this sleeping problem. Getting pills for it was the LAST thing I tried. Seriously. I put off trying them for forever because I was really nervous from stories I had heard and stuff. But then I tried them, and they work for me, and I have no adverse reactions. So what is wrong with these people? I assume they know a bit of what they are talking about, I am not a dr., but still. This seems so redundant. So I got the prescription for 30 more days in the end. But I don't really even understand why she gave me them when she wants me to not take them...? That wasn't smart on her part in my opinion. I went downstairs and looked around and couldn't find anything on insomnia, so I asked the cute little old lady behind the desk about it. She said they don't carry pamphlets on insomnia, but that she would try to find something for me. She came back a few minutes later with two articles printing of the internet. Cute. Then another lady (I am assuming her boss) came out and tried to sell me this "sleep better" package thing they have. I declined. I am only doing this because I was advised to by my dr., I already know all the information that will be in these two articles. Believe me, this is not a new thing to me. I make my way to the pharmacy. I shouldn't have filled that prescription. It is so so so expensive, and I was planning on trying to do the 2 weeks without them anyways. And if I make it through that alive then I won't need the pills. So why did I fill and pay for that stupid prescription?!? I suppose because that was the whole reason I was there that day. It was a long day of running around in the hospital and repeating myself and not getting mad after only 2 hours of sleep. ugh. So now I have a full bottle (30 pills/over $150) of ambien that I'm not supposed to take. Great. Anyways. I have stuck to those stupid rules that insomniacs get when their dr.'s want to "heal" them.
1. only a small amount of caffeine, and only in the morning
2. eat healthy
3. exercise everyday
4. no more than one alcoholic beverage in a day
5. no big meals right before bed, but have a light snack if hungry
6. NO NAPS. no matter how tired you are.
7. go to bed at the same time every night, even on weekends
8. get out of bed at the same time every morning, whether you slept well or not, and even on the weekend
9. keep your room cool, I put a fan on my side of the bed
10. do relaxation exercises if you cannot sleep
11. don't do things in your bed other than sleep and have sex
12. try to not spend extra amounts of time in your room
13. don't go to bed thirsty, but don't drink so much that you have to get up and go to the bathroom
14. go outside in the morning and get some sunshine (really?!)
15. don't smoke
16. don't do thinking type of problems before bed to where you would be kept up thinking
Ok now, I have said before that I have tried it all before. But I am willing to try to kick this without pills. I would rather be able to sleep and not use them. But I want to sleep. That is my end goal, not getting rid of pills. I haven't been addicted to caffeine in a while. I eat pretty well, and I am still working on making that better and better. I get regular exercise. Ok, sometimes I have more than one drink, but not more than two. And I don't drink everyday, or even close to that. The naps thing is hard for me when I am only getting a small amount of sleep! But I am doing it. I have a pretty normal bed and wake up time. But I am making it strict for right now. 10pm bedtime, and 7am wake up time. Until recently (a week ago) my room has been cool, but its getting hot now. Of course I am trying to relax, I am trying to sleep! Until we moved into a room in a house with other people I was really good about not using my bed for anything but sleep and sex. But we have no chairs in our room, just our bed. So lately I have been using it to use the computer or read on. I have been good about not doing that in the past few days. I hate the not spending extra time in the room thing. It's my safe haven. I drink more water than anyone I know. Well until I cut back lately! :P I love getting out of the house in the morning, so I get my morning sunshine. I don't smoke. And I have never had the problem of not sleeping because my thoughts are racing and won't stop.
So lets see how I have been doing...
Thursday night I slept 2 hours into Friday morning
Friday night I slept 33 minutes into Saturday morning
Saturday night I slept about 1 and a 1/2 hours into Sunday morning
Sunday night I slept about 4 hours into Monday morning
Obviously last night was the best so far. But its been hard. I have wanting to take a nap so badly it hurt sometimes. I have not been able to do the simplest things because of the lack of sleep. I feel like I am not human with such a small amount of sleep. This is crazy. But I am so full of hope. I want this to catch, I want this to work. Really badly. I am hoping that it is. As far as my sleep journal, it started on Friday, so the only days that count so far are the nights of 33minutes, 1 1/2 hours, and 4 hours, of sleep. Following this pattern I am progressing. I will hold onto this bit of happiness. I am still incredibly tired today. Its hard to believe that I am still up an running after those nights of practically no sleep! I am proud of myself for not giving in and taking naps. I have not gotten to bed every single night at 10pm, its been the weekend, it was such a bad time to start assigning myself a bedtime :P This is the first day that I felt like I could actually THINK. That's nice. It means that I could sit down and push through a blog post! I also don't ache as much as I have the few mornings before. Yesterday I had such a bad headache I was crying and felt a little nauseated. Gross. Riding passenger in the car was torturous. I felt every little bump! But let's focus on today! I get to go have lunch with Jake, I get a free drink at Peet's, I'm going to Lush, and I get to watch Jake playing softball tonight! It's going to be a great day. I can feel it. I am rich with anticipation! Catch you all later ;D
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